The day it all started... My first pregnancy..

I wrote about the day i found out i was pregnant on my phone.. and titled it as "the best day of my life".. So unaware of what was gonna happen in future...

Here it is..

"Woke up at 5 in the morning... It was 15th august..2015 Independence day !!

Was concerned about my periods being 2 days late... On my will... I took a pregnancy test !!

All that was going through my mind while doing the test was... It will be negative... For sure...

And there I was... With the test strip in my hand waiting for the result...

At first it showed negative.. And I was like.. I knew it... Then slowly it started to turn positive...

I literally rubbed my eyes twice and took another look at the test strip... It was still showing positive ...!!

Couldn't control myself.. Took out my phone and called up Pratik...( he was out for marathon ) ...and there I was crying on the phone and telling would-be papa the big news...  As per Pratik.. He was in shock... 😝 but then he congratulated me !!

Later when he returned home .. We hugged and congratulated each other.. I had kept a rasgulla for him ... (Mooh meetha karne k liye)

Then we decided to tell mom.. So that she could guide us on what to do next.

On a small piece of paper I wrote.. Congrats Dadi and handed it over to her... She got surprised and was very happy.

Later she suggested to go to Meena Wakawala for further checkups..

By 11am we were at the doctor.. Waited for 2 hours for our turn and then doc checked me up .. And showed me my first ultrasound... I saw the first glimpse of my lil bundle of joy..  Felt so good. Doc also invited Pratik inside to see it.

Later I got all the advice from doc as to what to eat..how to sit and sleep... I was very satisfied with the whole first pregnancy doc visit experience.

As we were heading towards home from the clinic.. Me n Pratik decided to tell the family with a small video presentation...

But before that... It was time to tell Rashi bua... I took another chit and wrote.. Congrats hone Wali bua... And as she read it.. She was like.. "Really!!??!!" And jumped with joy and hugged me.

Later I got to work to make a video for Jaju side and Bhandari side family..

At around 5 in the evening.. Got the whole family together and told them that we were going to show a video presentation...

As the video progresses to the clip of a baby pic with coming soon written on it.. Everyone jumped with joy.. They all were so so happy... And super surprised. It was the best sight to see everyone happy together. Later me n Pratik sat down to cut the cake made my Rashi.

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Later it was time to tell the news too mummy papa piyu n aishu... I sent the same video ( Bhandari version) on whatsapp to all four of them...

Aishu was super surprised.. She couldn't believe herself.. Piyu was toh waiting for the news .. Papa also almost guessed the news and mummy toh started crying with joy.

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It was so nice to see everyone's reaction .

It was a perfect day !! And the best day of my life !!! Being a mom is the greatest gift !!"

I still remember this day.. I so wish this should have gone full term... Coz i was unaware of things that could go wrong.. and i was the most positive person that time.. But things had to end badly.. And this is what i wrote when i miscarried...

"Life without my baby...
11 sept.. The worst day of my life.. Got to know that my baby had stopped developing and that I had to abort it. Even though doc said that there is no hope I somehow felt that this cannot happen .. Most shocking was.. Even though I had concieved twins.. None of them developed... How can god be so cruel... I had two.. And he didn't even let one of them survive..

It's been 5 days since that day.. And I still feel the loss.. As Pratik said... It's a memory that will never fade...

I miss being pregnant.. I miss my baby.. I miss the feeling of something being inside me.. Now.. I am empty.. I feel so alone sometimes..

Before.. Even though I was alone..I had my baby to talk to.. Now.. It's just empty..

Miscarriage is difficult.. And I pray that no mother should go through it..

It's like.. One day I am feeling like a mom.. And other day.. It's gone.

I felt so responsible in that one month.. And now.. I don't feel like even taking care of myself.

A baby even though not born changes the way u think.. U live.. U start being more careful.. More sincere.. More responsible.. 

Every thought that comes to your mind is related about the baby.. It's a feeling ..it's excitement.. And it's there with u all the time..

And now.. It's gone.

I know its not the end of life.. Life will give me another chance..

But I am so desperate to have that chance.. I loved being pregnant.. Loved being a mom. I Loved my tiny baby... And I miss her a lot.. !"

Well, life did give me another chance.. in fact, 5 more chances.. But they all failed.. !!