Feelings of a mom-to-be who is not pregnant !!

I wrote about all my emotions when I was going through all those miscarriages... but what I am feeling right now... is also as difficult as it was before.  

Yes....We are half way there and my baby is safe and healthy. But I do worry about how my surrogate must be right now... with my son or daughter in her belly. It’s not easy to trust on someone and give them your most precious thing away for 9 months. 

I do think about things like... is my surrogate eating right?? Is she resting enough ? Is she in the right environment ?? Is her family keeping her stress free ?? Is she enjoying this pregnancy and getting attached to my baby or is she looking at this just as a job.. or may be a good deed ???! 

I do trust the doctors and even though I know that my surrogate is well experienced in the pregnancy department .. I have trust issues with her. I don’t know.... it’s just a feeling. 

But I’m trying to be patient. Every time I see her... I wish...if there was a way to transfer my baby into my belly right now, I would have done it. It’s my baby... it should be with me. 

I know I haven’t even seen the face of my baby yet... but I am already very possessive about him/her. 

My baby is mine. Only mine. 

I knew that these 9 months will be the hardest for me when I agreed for surrogacy. And yes they surely are. 

Lemme tell you my dearest baby.... 

Mummy is getting very desperate to meet you now. Still 4 more months to go... but now that u are getting big and kicking the surrogate and listening to her, mummy is jealous!!! Promise me my love.. That u are going to be close to me and make up for those 9 months by showing me all the cuteness that u have with ur smiles and yawns and laughs and cozy sleeping pose in my arms!!!  And I promise you that I will love u so so so much... like I have never loved anyone before.